


The Percy + Pierre Hypothesis

by Coniferoussiblings



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Nerdiness, Other, Shipping, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 12:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6567229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coniferoussiblings/pseuds/Coniferoussiblings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot has accidentally invented shipping... and shame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Percy + Pierre Hypothesis

Peridot sat hunched in the dusty attic of the barn, her knees drawn up to her nose as she watched the flickering screen of the primitive human entertainment cube intently from a few inches away. Steven had warned her earlier that she would damage her eyes if she continued watching her "show" from such a position but after she had launched into a detailed explanation of the visible light radiation stress tolerances of a Peridot-class gems vision spheres he had backed out of the room quickly, claiming to have heard Pearl calling for him.

Peridot had heard no such thing herself, but perhaps Stevens' hybrid ears were superior at detecting sound in this planet's particular atmosphere. This was an intriguing possibility that could prove useful in the future if true – she would have to conduct some experiments.

These experiments would have to wait after she was finished watching her show of course. A gem had to have her priorities.

Despite Stevens' earlier attempts to keep the rest of his collection of visual entertainment boxes from her, Peridot had managed to discover a treasure trove of them under a tarp in the barn and had smuggled the lot back up to the attic. Many of the "tapes" (Why did so many words in the human language have multiple meanings? An entertainment recording box and an adhesive bonding ribbon had nothing in common but shared a single name - it was maddening!) had strange titles and descriptions that made no sense to Peridot, but she recognized the distinctive logo of _Camp Pining Hearts_ on several of them and had clutched those to her chest with a barely contained squeal of glee.

Peridot had tried to analyze her own fascination with this particular human entertainment before but was forced to admit that she had no truly logical reason for her obsession with _Camp Pining Hearts_. That she enjoyed it was a rock solid fact, but the closest guess she could make about her reasons was that everything about it was so _different_ from anything she had ever known before.

Internally she had tried to justify the hours she had spent engrossed in the program as part of her ongoing attempts to learn more about the earth and human culture. By her own estimation she had made great progress in that department - staying with the Crystal Gems and only interacting with her own kind (and Steven) Peridot would never have learned that the natives of this world organized themselves into social groupings called "Camps" which were ruled over by beings known as "Councilors" who were obviously a superior class of human due to their greater height and mass. She had also observed that apparently the environment of this planet produced strange and rhythmic noises much like the "music" that Steven was so fond of. There didn't appear to be any discernible source for these noises, but only a few different types tended to appear during key events and since none of the campers remarked about the strange noises she assumed it was some sort of natural earth phenomenon much like "rain". Most of the humans' time seemed to be spent in confusing and seemingly pointless rituals such as "races", "archery" and "crafts". Possibly this was training of a sort, but they never seemed to use those skills for anything but petty contests with one another.

With a system of government like that in place it was no wonder that this species hadn't made it into space.

Still, as fascinating as this civilizations backward social organization was to observe it paled in comparison with the complex network of personal interactions the humans on the screen had among themselves. Alliances and rivalries appeared to be made and broken seemingly at random. Rebellion and disrespect were offered to the "Councilors" both openly and secretly without anyone being destroyed for their presumption! Humans partnered together to form strange (and intriguing) pair bonds with one another without being ordered to by their superiors.

It spoke of madness and chaos, and yet she couldn't tear her eyes from the screen.

It was all very confusing. Disorganized. Inefficient. Illogical.

Compelling.

Especially the pair bonding, which was a messy haphazard affair… and yet Peridot found she couldn't stop thinking about that aspect most of all despite her best efforts to the contrary.

After she had cycled through the new tapes a few times to absorb the details of the new information Peridot had found herself overcome with a powerful urge to shake the entertainment cube in frustration at the obliviousness of the human clods on the screen. Anyone with even halfway functioning vision spheres could see that Percy and Pierre were the ultimate potential alliance, yet for some reason they insisted on engaging in pointless battles with each other for the attention of Paulette.

Why either of them would wish to ally with her was beyond Peridot – she cried more often than Pearl did but without the gems unexpected expertise in combat and engineering skills to make up for it.

In her mind Peridot had begun to outline hypothetical scenarios where Percy and Pierre realized their foolishness and joined together as one, leaving Paulette behind. The thought caused an unexpected burst of happiness to bubble up inside her and Peridot found herself giggling as she started to imagine her scenarios playing out on the screen.

She poked around the small room, trying to find some paper and writing implements to set her ideas down while they were still fresh in her mind. She dropped flat to the floor on her and stretched herself out comfortably and started to scribble furiously as ideas came to her one after another.

Why hadn’t she thought of this sooner? It was obvious that the humans creating the scenarios had no idea what they were doing - it was up to Peridot to correct their errors and finally tell the story right.

She pictured the two campers rising up high in the human hierarchy and being promoted to full councilors, the unmatched power of their bond allowing no obstacle to stand in their path. She saw them leading the disorganized rabble of Camp Pining Hearts on expeditions to conquer the surrounding camps, finally defeating them all utterly at the great annual ceremonial battle (which for some reason the humans on the show gave the unusually jaunty name "the Summertime Inter-Camp Jamboree").

Why stop there though? Why couldn't the two eventually take to the stars and bring whole worlds under their control?

No, that might be taking things too far. They were still just humans after all.

 _What if_ , Peridot paused mid-thought to nervously dart her eyes around the room, _they **fused**?_

Patches of dark green color rose to her cheeks at the illicit thought.

Peridot had always considered herself a very proper gem, never straying beyond the limitations imposed on her by her class and function. Fusion was something for warriors and even then it was only to be used in dire circumstances, though her recent acquaintance with Garnet had started to lighten her views on the concept. Peridot still wasn't totally comfortable with how easily the gems living on earth used fusion … and the idea of engaging in fusion herself was enough to send her into near panic.

Still though, imagining her two favorite campers merging into one new being was very… interesting. She felt something like sweat start to bead on her forehead as she tried to picture what their new form would be like.

Peridot snatched a relatively unmarked sheet from her pile of speculative scribbles and started to sketch. The lines flowing from her pencil were rough and angular, showing her familiarity with creating schematics and diagrams rather than fine art.

Would their new form have multiple arms? Extra legs? The possibilities were endless. What name would their new form have?

Peridot struggled to imagine the act in more detail, picturing Percy and Pierre dancing toward each other and beginning to glow with a fierce inner light-

"Hey Peri, what are you doing right now?" Amethyst called out loudly from the stairs leading up to the barns attic.

Peridot screeched and scrambled wildly about the room for a few moments until she had managed to regain her composure.

"Nothing! I'm doing nothing wrong up here!" Peridot called down, trying to suppress the obvious guilt in her voice.

"Uh, alright? Steven wanted to take us to go see some big fireworks thing the humans do at the beach during the summer – do you want to come watch with us?" Amethyst asked.

Peridot glanced back at the paused image on the screen and hesitated for a moment. The idea of spending more time with her new companions finally won out in the end – especially the quartz who had just called her name.

After all, she could always watch her tapes again later once she was alone.

"Sure! I'll be down soon," Peridot said and then quickly added "Don't come up!"

The green gem began to gather all of the hastily scribbled writings and crude drawings she had made together into a pile and then methodically tore them into tiny shreds while glancing back nervously toward the stairs. Once she had finished she grabbed the handfuls of torn paper and began to jam them under the cushions of the attic couch.

_Amethyst must never know about this!_


End file.
